From Villas to High-Rises: Military Life in Korea

In Sicily, my family and I lived in a villa with sweeping views, perfect weather, and a dishwasher. Now, in Korea, our slightly smaller apartment comes with breathtaking views and…a cultural experience every time I scrub a plate. My family calls it ‘dishwashing,’ but I prefer to think of it as a new kind of mindfulness practice: meditating on the endless pile of chopsticks and small plates, or banchan, that mysteriously regenerates overnight.

Most apartment complexes in Korea look like this. Autumn, 2023.

When we first arrived, I thought the language barrier would be the hardest part, and boy, was I right! My wifey speaks Spanish and French, so learning Italian in Sicily wasn’t a huge challenge for her. But Korean? Whew. That’s a whole other level of difficulty. Our 4-year-old daughter, who’s now in a Korean daycare off base, is picking up bits of the language, but she’s still struggling to fully express herself. As for my wife, she's been more social here than in any of our previous locations. In fact, she’s become fast friends with several Korean moms at our neighborhood bus stop, and I’m pretty sure their giggles, which follow each conversation translated via Papago, our translator app, are a mix of embarrassment and genuine curiosity.

In Korea, it’s not just the language barrier that’s tough—it’s the banking system. I never thought I’d struggle so much just to deposit money. To pay my rent, I have to withdraw Korean Won (KRW) with my debit card and physically go to the bank to deposit it into my account. Most service members here just pay rent in cash because it’s simpler than opening an account. We did that for the first few months but I looked like Soulja Boy holding a stack of money up to my ear like a phone. And every month, like clockwork, you can find long lines outside the currency exchange office in "the Ville" (the neighborhood right outside base) on the 1st of the month.

Then there’s the rules. Coming from a lawless place like Sicily, where the speed limit was more of a suggestion than a requirement, Korea’s strict regulations have been a culture shock. The CCTV cameras are everywhere, and I’m convinced they have it out for me. I’ve started keeping a budget line just for my monthly 'oops, I parked in the wrong place again' fines.

There’s one thing that followed me from Sicily to Korea: confusion about my gender. Everywhere I go, from stores to public restrooms, people seem perplexed by me, like they can’t quite decide if I’m a man or a woman. Older aunties have tried gesturing me to the door, pointing to the sign of the stick figure wearing a dress, as if I'm confused. But I just ignore them and keep walking. Sometimes intrusive thoughts come in my head to make these encounters even more awkward, but I also don't want to get kicked out of the country for lewd behavior.

Even with these challenges, military life has its perks, especially on base. Each base feels like a little slice of America, with resources like the USO for American snacks and entertainment, and the MWR offering discounted activities and trips to keep us busy and connected. It’s especially important for the single service members or those on year-long tours who can’t have their families with them, as military communities provide a much-needed sense of camaraderie. One thing I’ve realized while overseas is how lucky I am to be married. As an officer, it’s tough to make new gay friends since most of them are enlisted, and I generally don’t hang out with enlisted personnel outside of office hours. It can be a little isolating, but having my family with me makes all the difference.

No matter where I go in the world, I miss home. My mom used to make me tone down my country Georgian accent, but now I miss hearing that "Atlanna" twang. Fortunately, every base has a group of Black folks who’ve formed a mini 'Home Away from Home' squad. Someone, usually a Type A spouse, takes the lead and organizes events just as an excuse to get together—pottery classes, wine tastings, Juneteenth celebrations, whatever. It’s amazing—one minute, we’re strangers; the next, we’re arguing over who’s cutting the cards wrong during Spades. It’s like we’ve all signed an invisible cultural contract to recreate cookout vibes wherever we go.

Despite the challenges, Korea has its charm, and military bases make it easier to adjust. From the camaraderie and support at the USO and MWR to the incredible friendships formed in sub-communities, it’s a place that still feels like home. And while I may be awkwardly frequenting the women’s restroom or struggling to keep up with my baby girl's butchered Korean, I’m embracing the adventure. After all, it’s the new experiences and the unexpected moments that make life abroad unforgettable. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to make memories in a place where the landscaping looks like it’s straight out of a painting?